Does Whatever a Spider Can

Holy gravitational pull, little Jack. You did it! You crawled your first steps yesterday while staring adoringly at your aunt Candace. Granted, they were shaky, wobbly little moves, but you have made it onto the scale of crawlingness with a rough score of about four for your first attempt. I'd have given you a five if you would have recited the alphabet at the same time.

This morning you were eager to practice it all again. Today you made much more deliberate strides towards your chosen destination. You still look a lot like a rickety old bicycle someone abandoned in an alleyway in some small village in France that is missing several key bolts and perhaps the steering bar. But, you are officially mobile my little Potato Bug. Sure, Potato Bug. Why not? It's better than the usual Monkey Butt you get.

You already seem a little happier with life now that you can get from Point A to Point B on your own. I think it must feel like the same freedom I felt when I got my first car and took my girlfriend to a mall on the other side of the city. I was all, "Ohhh, look at me. Driving. Miss Driving McDriverson. Hello, can I drive you somewhere because I'm now officially a driving driver." Yeah, it was all freedom and good times, Jack. Freedom and good times until some dip nut hit my car when I was in the mall and drove off. Then it was all payment slavery and shame. And my point? Well, my point Jack is don't be parking your little behind somewhere while you go checking out your shiny new Weebles farm set. You'll come back and it'll be all dinged up and you'll be all "Whoa, hey, I HAD a buttery smooth behind when I left here."

"That was her point?" you are now asking yourself. Really, I don't know. But I do know we are proud of your chubby little arms and legs for propelling you into the wonderful world of forward movement. Welcome aboard, matey.

Love,
Your Momma